I'm Lost

I've had enough difficulties from my 3Uni. Still I need to care about family; moreover, the love of mine. I feel pressure when it all comes up at the same time. Which should I care first? I don't know if I've made a right choice, I took the last one I mention to be the first. But the result seems to be unsatisfied. I probably care about it too much that it made me feel even worse... worse and worse until I think this is my worst day ever!

Just now I realized I am too much into it. It hurts me; still I want to have it and can't be without it. It makes me feel, I have no more dignity in myself to which I care the most. I never thought I would be asked by him with those questions. It just doesn't really wrong to what I've thought before doing those things though. I knew it and I get myself ready for being seen in that way, still I can't stop not feel lost, cos I had never thought it would be him that see me in such a way. No more could I do anything beside let it be and accept it as the way it is. I'm not blaming my destiny nor anyone for this problem of mine. I just feel pain and sorrow are following me all the way through. I'll just wait for the bright day to come and save me from being in this deep dark abyss.

20060110TUE
3am